Self-compassion is the superpower year 12 students need for exams … and life beyond school
"This can be one of the most stressful times in a students’ life. It can also be very stressful for parents trying to support their children."
writes Dr Madeleine Ferrari, Clincial Psychology Lecturer, Australian Catholic University in a recent article in The Conversation.
Her article describes self compassion, what it looks like and how it can be helpful to everyone, not just students sitting the HSC.
The article continues... But there is a superpower in the arsenal of every year 12 student that can be harnessed to manage this stress. This superpower fuels resilience, not only for exams, but for any difficult situation they may be faced with across their lifespan.
It’s called self-compassion.
The mental health benefits
"The most enduring relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. Self-compassion means talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend.
Self-compassion encourages us to feel comfortable in our own skin. It allows us to generate our own feelings of warmth, reassurance, soothing and liking who we are."
It is associated with greater psychological well-being and a lower risk of developing symptoms of poor mental health.
How can we learn and teach self-compassion?
Here are some ways to approach self-compassion, both for yourselves and your kids:
Check yourself: before talking with your child about self-compassion, consider how you treat yourself when under stress. Do you notice when your self-critic is triggered? It is hard to be genuine when encouraging someone else to be self-compassionate if you are not.
Model self-compassion: when you make an error, try replacing “I’m so stupid I let this happen” with “I’m upset about this and that’s okay – anyone would feel this way in this situation”. Talk to yourself in a soft, calm tone. Whether you say it aloud or even just think it, your behaviour in that moment will change, and your kids will see this.
Talk about it: start a conversation with your child about their relationship with themselves. You could start with: “what do you tend to say to yourself or feel about yourself during exams?” or “what effect does this have on you?”
Help them spot self-criticism: encourage your child to notice when self-criticism pops up. Give the self-criticsm a name such as “Voldemort” or the “angry voice”. Say, “When you notice Voldemort is hanging around, gently ask yourself, what would you say to a good friend or a ten-year-old version of yourself in this situation?” This simple question is a powerful way to tap into the compassionate wisdom we all carry.
Give yourself a hug: to help calm yourself, give yourself a hug. Either wrap your arms around yourself or hold your hand on your heart or chest and notice the warmth. Research tells us we get a flood of oxytocin - the body’s “love drug” – and relax when we are hugged by someone we trust. Our brain and body has an almost identical reaction when we hug ourselves. Use as a this short-cut to trigger some feelings of self-compassion.
This article is republished from "https://theconversation.com">The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.